ON OBEDIENCE TO PARENTS AND THE RIGHTS OF CHILDREN

It is obvious that if the right of relatives and kinsfolk are emphasised, then the more special and more important relationship is that of parent and child. The importance of this right is therefore multiplied several times.

The Messenger of Allâh said: “A child can never fulfil the right of his parent even if he were to find his parent enslaved and he thus purchases him and sets him free.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “Obedience to parents is superior to salâh, charity, fasting, hajj, ‘umrah and jihâd in the cause of Allâh .”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “He who gets up in the morning in such a state that his parents are pleased with him, then two doors to Paradise are opened for him. He who spends the evening in such a state shall receive a similar reward as well. If he has one parent, then one door will be opened for him. This is even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him. He who gets up in the morning in such a state that his parents are displeased with him, then two doors to the Hell-fire are opened for him. He who spends the evening in such a state shall receive a similar punishment as well. If he has one parent, then one door will be opened for him. This is even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “The fragrance of Paradise is enjoyed from a distance equal to a journey of 500 years. Yet, a person who is disobedient to his parents and a person who severs ties of kinship will not enjoy its fragrance.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “Be obedient to your mother, then your father, then your sister, then your brother, then those who are beneath, then those who are beneath.”

It is related that Allâh addressed Mûsâ saying: “O Mûsâ! He who obeys his parents and disobeys Me, I will record him as an obedient person. He who disobeys his parents and obeys Me, I will record him as a disobedient person.”

It is said that when Ya‘qûb [the father of Yûsuf ] went to Yûsuf, the latter did not stand up for him. Allâh addressed him saying: “Do you think that you are too big to stand up for your father? By My might and My honour, I will not produce a Prophet from your progeny.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “If a person wishes to give in charity, he should give it on behalf of his parents if they are Muslims. They will receive the reward thereof and he will receive the like thereof without any reward being decreased from either of them.”

Mâlik ibn Rabî‘ah said: While we were with the Messenger of Allâh , a man from the Banû Salimah came and said: “O Messenger of Allâh! Is there any way of showing my obedience to my parents after they have passed away?” He replied: “Yes. Pray for them, seek forgiveness for them, fulfil their promises on their behalf, honour their friends, and maintain the ties of kinship that can only be maintained through them.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “From among the best ways of being dutiful is for a person to maintain ties of friendship with his father’s friends after his father passes away.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “The kindness that the mother shows to the child is multiplied two times.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “The supplication of the mother is most swiftly accepted.” He was asked: “O Messenger of Allâh! Why is that?” He replied: “She is more merciful than the father, and the supplication of mercy does not fall short.”

A person asked: “O Messenger of Allâh! To whom should I be dutiful?” He replied: “To your parents.” He said: “I do not have parents.” He said: “Show kindness to your children. Just as your parents have rights over you, your children also have rights over you.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “May Allâh have mercy on the father who helps his child to be dutiful to him.” In other words, the father does not cause the child to become disobedient on account of his own evil actions.

The Messenger of Allâh said: “Treat your children equally in giving them anything.”

It is said that your child is your rayhânah (sweet basil) whose fragrance you constantly inhale and whose service you constantly enjoy. Then he is either your enemy or your partner.

Anas narrates that the Messenger of Allâh said: “The child’s‘aqîqah is made on the seventh day, he is given a name on that day and his hair is removed on that day. When he reaches the age of six, he is taught manners. When he reaches the age of nine, his bed is separated, when he reaches the age of 13, he is beaten for not offering salâh, when he reaches the age of 16, his father gets him married. He then takes him by the hand and tells him: ‘I taught you manners, I gave you knowledge and I got you married. I seek refuge in Allâh from your trials and tribulations in this world and from your punishment in the hereafter.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “From among the rights of the child over the father is that the latter should teach him good manners and choose a good name for him.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “Every male or female child is mortgaged by the ‘aqîqah that is slaughtered on its behalf on the seventh day, and its head is shaved off.”

A man came to ‘Abdullâh ibn al-Mubârak rahimahullâh and complained to him about one of his children. He asked him: “Did you ever supplicate against him?” He replied: “Yes.” He said: “You are the one who caused this. It is preferable to be gentle with one’s children.”

Al-Aqra‘ ibn Hâbis saw the Prophet kissing his grand son, al-Hasan . So he said to him: “I have ten children but I never kissed a single one of them.” The Prophet said to him: “The person who does not show mercy will not have mercy shown to him.”

‘Â’ishah radiyallâhu ‘anhâ narrates: One day the Messenger of Allâh asked me to wash the face of Usâmah. I began washing his face while showing my dislike in doing this. So the Messenger of Allâh struck me lightly on my hand, took Usâmah and washed his face. He then kissed him and said: “Allâh has been kind to us that you do not have a sister as well. [We would have to wash her face and it would be difficult for me to do that because of her being a female].”

Al-Hasan stumbled and fell on one occasion while the Prophet was on his pulpit. So he got down and carried him. He then recited this verse:

“Surely your wealth and your children are a test.” (Sûrah at-Taghâbun, 64: 15)

‘Abdullâh ibn Shaddâd narrates that while the Messenger of Allâh was leading the people in salâh, al-Husayn came in and climbed onto his neck while he was in prostration. So he remained in prostration for a long time to such an extent that the people thought that something happened. When he completed his salâh, the people said to him: “O Messenger of Allâh! You lengthened the prostration to such an extent that we thought that something happened.” He said: “My son climbed onto me and I did not want to rush him till he is satisfied.”

There are several points from the above incident: (1) Close proximity to Allâh . The closest a person is to Allâh is when he is in prostration before Him. (2) Kindness and affection to children. (3) Educating the ummah.

The Messenger of Allâh said: “The fragrance of a child is the fragrance of Paradise.”

Yazîd ibn Mu‘âwiyah narrates: My father sent for al-Ahnaf ibn Qays. When the latter came, my father asked him: “O Abû Bahr! What do you have to say about a child?” He replied: “O leader of the believers! They are the fruits of our hearts and the pillars of our backs. While we are the subdued earth, the shade-providing sky, and through them we accomplish every major task. If they ask, give them. If they become angry, make them happy. They will give you their love and enable you to love their efforts. Do not be a heavy burden on them, or else they will cause you to become fatigued throughout your life. They will love you to die, and they will dislike being close to you.” Mu‘âwiyah said to him: “By Allâh, O Ahnaf, when you came to me, I was filled with rage and anger against Yazîd.” When Ahnaf left, Mu‘âwiyah was pleased with Yazîd and gave him 200 000 dirhams and 200 garments. Yazîd sent 100 000 dirhams and 100 garments to al-Ahnaf and thereby shared this gift with him.