ON SPEAKING AT A FUNERAL AND AT THE GRAVE

You should know that a funeral is an admonition for a person of insight. In it is a warning for him and a reminder for those who are heedless. When the heedless ones witness a funeral, it only increases their hard-heartedness. This is because they always assume that they will forever be attending the funeral of others. They do not even think that there will definitely come a time when they will be carried as corpses. Or, they know that this will also happen to them, but they consider it to be still a long way. They do not ponder over the fact that the deceased whom they are carrying had also made the same assumption. Their assumption was thus proven to be baseless and their time came sooner than they expected.

A person should therefore not look at a deceased person without thinking to himself that he is being carried, that he is to be carried very soon – that it might be tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

It is related that when Abû Hurayrah would see a funeral procession, he would say: “Continue, we are soon to follow.”

When Mak-hûl ad-Dimashqî rahimahullâh would see a funeral, he would say: “You are going in the morning, and we will go in the evening. What an imposing admonition this is, yet how quickly we become heedless. The first one departs and the next one has no intelligence [to realize that he is next].”

Usayd ibn Hudayr rahimahullâh said: “I did not witness a funeral without my self telling me anything except what is going to be done to him [the deceased] and where he is heading towards.”

When the brother of Mâlik ibn Dînâr rahimahullâh passed away, Mâlik rahimahullâh went out to the funeral crying and saying: “By Allâh, do not tell me anything till I know to what abode he has gone to. And this I will never know as long as I am alive [in other words, I will also have to die in order to know exactly what lies in store].”

Al-A‘mash rahimahullâh said: “When we used to attend a funeral, we did not know who to console because every single person used to be overtaken with grief.”

Thâbit al-Bunânî rahimahullâh said: “When we used to attend funerals, every single person would have his head covered and would be crying. This was how fearful they were of death. As for these days, we do not see a group attending a funeral without the majority of them laughing and joking. They speak of nothing but the inheritance of the deceased and what he left behind for his inheritors. His relatives and associates think of nothing except how they can take possession of some of what he left behind. None from among them thinks about his own funeral procession and about what condition he will be in when he is carried [to his grave]. There is no reason for this heedlessness except the hardness of the hearts on account of excessive acts of disobedience and sins. The sins are so excessive that we have forgotten Allâh , the last day, and all the terrors that lie ahead of us. We therefore engage in amusements, become heedless, and occupy ourselves in matters that are of no concern to us. We therefore ask Allâh for vigilance from this negligence. The most that you will see from those who attend a funeral is their crying over the deceased. If they had any intelligence, they would have cried over their selves and not over the deceased.”

Ibrâhîm az-Zayyât rahimahullâh saw some people asking Allâh to have mercy on the deceased. So he said: “If you asked Allâh to have mercy on your selves it would have been better for you. The deceased has already passed the three terrors: (1) he has already seen the face of the angel of death, (2) he has already tasted the bitterness of death, (3) he has already experienced the fear of his end and is now safe [from all these three].”

Abû ‘Amr ibn al-‘Alâ’ rahimahullâh said: “I was sitting near Jarîr while the latter was dictating a poem to his scribe. A funeral procession then approached. So he said:

“The funeral processions terrify us when they approach. But once they continue and are gone, we return to our amusements and diversions. [We are] like a flock of sheep which become terrified by the attack of a wolf. But once the wolf goes away, the sheep return to their grazing.”

From among the etiquette of attending a funeral is that the person should ponder, reflect, be awakened, make preparations, and walk in front with humility. The etiquette and Sunnah acts when attending a funeral are enumerated in the books of jurisprudence.

From the etiquette is that the person should have good thoughts about the deceased even if he was a flagrant sinner. And he should have critical thoughts about his self even if he is outwardly righteous. This is because the end [of any person] is uncertain. He does not know its reality.

It is related with regard to ‘Umar ibn Dharr rahimahullâh that one of his neighbours passed away. This neighbour was one who used to commit excesses against his self. Many people therefore abstained from attending his funeral. ‘Umar ibn Dharr rahimahullâhattended his neighbour’s funeral and offered salâh over him. When he was placed in his grave, he stood at the side and said: “May Allâh have mercy on you, O so and so person! You spent your entire life believing in the oneness of Allâh and you soiled your face with prostration [in salâh], even though people say that you are a sinner and committed many sins. Who from among us is not a sinner and who from among us has not committed sins?!”

It is related that a person who was immersed in causing corruption passed away in one of the outer districts of Basra. His wife did not find anyone to help her to carry his corpse. None of his neighbours knew about her predicament because of his excessive sinning. She therefore hired the services of two carriers. She carried him to the place of salâh but no one offered salâh over him. She then carried him to the desert to bury him. Near this spot of burial there was a mountain where there lived a very ascetic person. She saw him as though he was waiting for the deceased person. He then came down in order to offer the salâh over him. This news spread in the city that the ascetic came down in order to offer salâh over such and such person. The people of the city therefore came out. The ascetic performed the salâh and the people followed him. The people were astonished by the ascetic performing salâh over this deceased person. So he said to them: “I was told in a dream thus: ‘Go to a certain spot. You will see a deceased person with no one except his wife. Offer salâh over him for he is forgiven.” At hearing this, the people became even more astonished. The ascetic called for his wife and asked her about him and his lifestyle. She replied: “As is well known, he used to spend the entire day in the brothel, drinking alcohol.” The ascetic said to her: “Think carefully. Do you know of any good deed that he used to do?” She replied: “Yes. Three things: (1) When he became sober from his intoxication in the morning, he would change his clothes, perform ablution and offer the fajr salâh in congregation. He would then return to the brothel and become engrossed in sin. (2) His house was never empty of one or two orphans. His kindness towards them was more than the kindness that he showed to his own children. He was extremely concerned about the orphans. (3) He would regain his senses after his intoxication in the dark of the night and cry, saying: ‘O my Sustainer! Which corner from the many corners of Hell do You wish to fill with this wretched person [referring to himself]?’” The ascetic then turned away and departed having solved the mystery of this deceased person.

Ad-Dahhâk rahimahullâh narrates that a man said: “O Messenger of Allâh! Who is the most ascetic person?” He replied: “The person who does not forget the grave and its trials and tribulations. Who abandons excessive adornment of the world. Who gives preference to what is eternal [the hereafter] over what is temporary [this world]. Who does not count tomorrow as his days [i.e. does not expect to live till tomorrow]. Who considers himself to be from among the dwellers of the graves.”

‘Alî was asked: “Why are you living near a grave-yard?” He replied: “I find them to be the best neighbours. I find them to be genuine neighbours. They hold back their tongues [they do not talk] and they remind me of the hereafter.”

When ‘Uthmân bin ‘Affân used to stand by a grave, he would cry so profusely that his beard would get wet. He was asked in this regard: “When Paradise and Hell are mentioned, you do not cry. Yet you cry when you are standing at a grave?!” He replied: “I heard the Messenger of Allâh saying: ‘The grave is the first stage of the hereafter. If a person succeeds in it, the stages that are to follow will be easier for him. If he does not succeed in it, the stages that are to follow will be more difficult.’”

It is said that ‘Amr ibn al-‘Âs looked at a grave-yard. So he dismounted from his animal and offered two rak‘ats of salâh. Someone asked him: “This is something that you never used to do.” He replied: “I thought of the people in the graves and the barrier that is between them and me. I therefore wanted to get closer to Allâh through this.”

Mujâhid rahimahullâh said: “The first thing that the grave will say to the deceased who comes into it is this: ‘I am the house of insects, the house of solitude, the house of isolation, and the house of darkness. This is what I prepared for you. Now what have you prepard for me?”

Abu Dharr said: “Should I not inform you of the day of my poverty? It is the day when I am placed in my grave.”