ON THE RIGHT OF THE HUSBAND OVER THE WIFE

The proper opinion in this regard is that marriage is a type of slavery. The wife is thus the husband’s slave. It is therefore her duty to be totally obedient to him in everything that he asks of her as regards her self provided there is no disobedience [to Allâh ] in it.

There are numerous Ahâdîth as regards the magnitude of the right of the husband over her. The Messenger of Allâh said: “Whichever woman passes away while her husband was pleased with her will enter Paradise.”

A person was going on a journey. He impressed on his wife not to leave the upper floor of the house in order to come downstairs. Her father was living on the lower floor. Her father fell ill. She sent a message to the Messenger of Allâh seeking permission to go down to her father. The Messenger of Allâh sent a reply saying: “Obey your husband.” Her father passed away. She again sought permission. He replied: “Obey your husband.” Her father was then buried. The Messenger of Allâh then sent a message to her informing her that Allâh forgave her father by virtue of her obedience to her husband.

The Messenger of Allâh said: “When a woman offers her fivesalâhs, fasts in Ramadân, safeguards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter the Paradise of her Sustainer.” In thisHadîth, the Messenger of Allâh joined obedience to the husband to the pillars of Islam.

The Messenger of Allâh spoke about women one day and said: “They are the ones who bear the pains of pregnancy, of child-birth, and breast-feeding. They are extremely merciful towards their children. Were it not for how they approach their husbands, those among them that offer salâh will enter Paradise.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “I peeked into the Hell-fire and saw that the majority of its inmates are women.” The women asked: “Why is that, O Messenger of Allâh?” He replied: “They curse a lot and they are ungrateful to their husbands.”

Another narration states: “I peeked into Paradise and saw that the least of its inhabitants were women. So I asked: ‘Where are the women?’ A reply was given: ‘Gold and saffron kept them preoccupied.’” In other words, their engrossment with jewellery and coloured clothes.

‘Â’ishah radiyallâhu ‘anhâ said: “A young woman came to the Messenger of Allâh and said: ‘O Messenger of Allâh! I am a young woman and I am receiving proposals. But I dislike marriage. What is the right of the husband over the wife?’ He replied: ‘If he was covered in pus from above him till his feet, and she were to lick it, she would not have fulfilled her gratitude to him.’ She said: ‘So I should not get married.’ He replied: ‘You should most certainly get married for there is much good in it.’”

Ibn ‘Abbâs narrates that a woman from the Khath‘am tribe came to the Messenger of Allâh and said: “I am an unmarried woman and I would like to get married. What is the right of the husband?” He replied: “Among the rights of the husband over the wife is that if he desires to have intercourse with her even when she is sitting on a camel, she should not refuse him. Another right of his is that she should not give anything from his house without his permission. If she gives without permission, the sin will be on her while he will receive the reward for what she gave. Another right is that she should not keep an optional fast without his permission. If she does that, she will be merely staying hungry and thirsty without that fast being accepted from her. If she leaves her house without his permission, the angels curse her till she returns to his house or she repents.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate before anyone [apart from Allâh ], I would have ordered the woman to prostrate before her husband because of the great right which he has over her.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “The closest a woman is to Allâh is when she is in the depths of her house. Her salâh in the courtyard of her house is better than her salâh in the musjid. Hersalâh inside her house is better than her salâh in the courtyard of her house. Her salâh in her bedroom is better than her salâh in her house.” All this is for additional concealment.

It is for this reason that the Messenger of Allâh said: “The woman is an ‘aurah (something that is always concealed). When she goes out, Satan raises his glance towards her.”

The Messenger of Allâh said: “The woman has ten ‘aurahs. When she gets married, the husband covers one ‘aurah. When she passes away, the grave covers ten ‘aurahs.”

The rights of the husband over the wife are many. The most important of them are two: (1) safeguarding and concealment, (2) abstaining from asking for that which is beyond basic needs, and abstaining from using his earnings if they are from unlawful sources.

It was the custom of the women of the past that when the husband used to leave his house, his wife or his daughter would say to him: “Beware of unlawful earning. We can exercise patience over hunger and difficulty but we cannot exercise patience over the Hell-fire.”

A man from the past intended to go on a journey. His neighbours did not want him to go. They said to his wife: “Why are you agreeing to his going on a journey whereas he has not left any expenses for you?” She replied: “Ever since I know my husband, I know him to be one who eats and I have never known him to be one who gives sustenance. I have a Sustainer who gives sustenance. So when the eater goes away, the Sustainer remains.”

From among the duties that are incumbent on the wife is that she should not go to excesses in spending his wealth. Instead, she should save it for him. The Messenger of Allâh said: “It is not lawful for her to feed anyone from his house except by his permission, except fresh food which she fears will get rotten. If she feeds with his permission, she will receive the same reward as him. If she feeds without his permission, he will receive the reward while the sin will be on her.”

Among the duties that are incumbent on her parents is that they should teach her good conduct and the etiquette of living with the husband. It is related that Asmâ’ bint Khârijah al-Fazârî said to her daughter when she was getting married: “You are leaving the nest in which you grew up and going to a bed that you do not know and to a partner you are not accustomed to. You should be like the earth to him [in your submission to him] and he will be the sky to you [in providing you with shelter and other needs]. You should be the resting place for him and he will be a pillar [of support] for you. You must be a slave to him and he will become your slave. Do not remain too attached to him or else he will cast you aside. Do not remain too detached from him or else he will forget you. If he comes close to you, go close to him. If he remains aloof from you, remain aloof from him. [106] Safeguard his nose, ears and eyes by ensuring that he smells nothing but a beautiful fragrance from you, that he hears nothing but good from you, and he sees nothing but beauty in you.”

A man said to his wife:

“Adopt pardon from me and my love for you will remain eternal. Do not talk to me when I am overcome by anger. Do not pester me even once, as you constantly beat at a tambourine. If you do that [constantly pester me], you do not know what it would be like if I disappear [if I go away because of your constant pestering]. Do not complain excessively or else my love [for you] will disappear. My heart will refuse you, and hearts are overturned [do not think that my love for you will remain, because hearts can be changed]. I have seen that when love and hurt come together in a heart, love does not remain. It departs.”